I was having a lovely time NOT driving home from work (riding the Metra train). I happened to take an earlier train than usual and it happened to be very full. I found a seat in the upper deck, as I call it, broke out a book and began reading. Not two pages into my read, I detected a very potent oder in the air. It was one of those seriously thick ones, you know, the ones you can't avoid because they pretty much have a TASTE in addition to a smell. I'm not sure if it was because of some seasonal allergies or not, but I swear my eyes started burning at the same time. It was bad. No big deal right? Sometimes you just have to let one go, I can understand that, I can't say I sympathize, but I understand. Well, wouldn't you know it, no sooner had the not so well vented train car dispelled the oder than I practically saw another cloud of noxious gas rising up from the seats below. Just when I thought the war was over, another salvo came rising up. At this point I started looking around for the culprit. No one was fessing up. No giggling, no sneering, no over innocent-looking people avoiding my stare. I did notice a few people doing the same subtle searching I was. I hoped they didn't think I looked guilty. I mean, not to say that I wasn't impressed, this took some serious talent, but it wasn't my brand, and it wouldn't be right to be credited for this.
I never figured out who dealt it, but I just want to see A. if anyone reads this anymore, and B. what your thoughts might be on public flatulence. When is it acceptable if ever? When is it taboo? Is it one of those "if no one finds out who did it, then it's ok" kind of things? What would have been the appropriate punishment for such a person? Or have they suffered enough with the pressure they had to deal with before their "release?"
2 comments:
Well...A. I do read this and B. I do encourage public flatulence in select situations.
It is acceptable only if....
1.) if you are above the age of 75 (I'm a nurse, it's a proven fact that sphincters lose muscle tone after that age.)
2.) if you are a dog
3.) if you are my brother Phil and like to entertain small crowds by lighting them on fire
4.) If you are my Liam and the alternative (which would be shitting your pants) would NOT be acceptable in mixed company.
Taboo...many situations, like
1.) first dates
2.) trying to blame it on any of the aforementioned people
3.) someone on a train, letting one rip and giving someone like you a really bad experience
Punishment:
Standing up and exclaiming in a really loud voice,
"Holy shit!!! Who DID that???? Please check your pants!"
And no, obviously, that person did not suffer. They probably went home and laughed at the whole experience.
Keep writing Colyn!
Any confined space is absolutely not allowed. Outdoors is situational (fine for BBQ, taboo for weddings) but much more acceptable. Otherwise just step into the bathroom and do it there. How is that a problem?
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