Judgement Day

Tonight I had a rather new, and definitely strange, experience. Those who know me probably understand that I have a talent for pissing people off, and then reeling them back in and creating a point where we can laugh about it and sometimes even be friends. I guess one could say I pride myself on being able to get along with most anyone and, often times our interaction, no matter how long it lasts, begins in this way. David Morley once told me that I get along with him because I can accept him and the things he does, especially when he (metaphorically) throws them in my face and basically says "deal with it." While I get along with Edward because I find common ground between the two of us and work to build upon those things we have in common. These are two very different approaches to getting along with people, but both are effective and both are necessary to build a relationship of any kind. The point I am, very poorly, trying to make is that I do my best to see what is unique and exceptional in the people I meet. This is a practice that has proved successful and has brought, perhaps in spite of itself (and myself), a lot of extraordinary people into my life and allowed me the pleasure of getting to know the best, and sometimes the worst (which never seems quite as profound to me), in them. Tonight, I was put in my place, so to speak.

The story goes like this...

Approaching the end of the shift at Lush, a couple of men (who happen to be black) came in the store and were looking to get educated on beer. I suggested that the best way to do that would be to drink a bunch of different styles of beer back to back and compare the differences. I also offered to talk them through the beers before they took them home to which they replied, "why don't we just have them here and we can talk about them as we go." I excepted their offer and we began tasting and discussing beer, which eventually turned into a very candid, frank, extremely humorous, and very informative conversation about culture, marriage, dating and how race plays a role in each of those. For me it was an enjoyable and entertaining way to end the night at work, which usually consists of me and my coworkers cleaning and closing the register, for the guys working their way from Pilsners to Stouts, it made the time in between my explanation of the development of India Pale Ales and the subtleties of Belgian Ales much more interesting. Take home message: the conversation was light hearted and profound at the same time, and I found it to be a unique experience that I could have only had while working at Lush.

After we closed the store, Erin and I headed down to the Skylark for a drink and met up with two separate groups of people. One group was with Erin's room mate celebrating her birthday (who probably thinks I'm very strange because I gave her a pomegranate as a birthday gift , the other was with Evan, Erin's boyfriend. I know Evan better so I pulled up a seat at the table with him and was introduced to his friends, one of whom I recognized from the Monday night Bike sprints at the Cobra Lounge who was sitting across from his girlfriend, who seemed quite pleasant when she introduced herself. Still giddy from my interesting conversation at the end of the shift at Lush, I found a break in the conversation where I probably used some awful transition to allow myself to bring up what I thought was a profound experience. So then, I harnessed all of my epically horrendous story-telling skills (my stories are really bad and usually go no where in case that wasn't clear enough, but often to the point of being comical-a redeeming quality) and blurted out something that ended in the group blinking in silence and me trailing off and shortly after apologizing for wasting their lives. That last part was an attempt to show that I understood that my retelling of the nights events made no sense and that the example I used to illustrate how strange, yet exciting the conversation was for me fell far from conveying that sense on to my audience. Long story short the conversation broke down and I may have, in my best awkwardly friendly way, have tried to restart it again, but to no success and the couple in front of me starts getting up to leave. This is where it gets good. As they say goodbye to Evan and his room mate, who is also at the table the girl, whose name I thought was Anne but turned out to be Lyric (wow! how did I make that leap? Although I don't feel that bad because Evan's room mate heard the same thing when she introduced herself to me), looked right at me and said, "you were really boring." I wasn't sure I heard her correctly and just kind of smiled dumbly until she said something to the effect of "screw your class loyalty" and "you offended me." To which I replied, "Wait, you're serious?" Duh! Anyway, I tried my best to graciously apologize and show that I wasn't the bigoted frat-boy douche they seemed to think I was, while also trying to explain that the examples I used from my, looking back on it now rather taboo, conversation at work were not my own views but were simply examples of how strange an interesting the conversation was. I don't think any of my last ditch efforts made a hill of beens difference in their perception of me, and I won't say I don't care. Now, I want to say that, in my own defense the rather objective parties of Evan and his room mate seemed to think that though my story royally sucked, I didn't say anything out of line (whether or not they said that to make me feel better I can't say, though I afforded them the opportunity to let me know).

I have always felt like I can get along with anyone and it was a shot to my obviously overgrown pride to have two people straight up dislike me. I don't want to sound pouty, and if I already do I'm sorry, I don't resent these people for not liking me and I am impressed with their blunt honesty about their perception of me from tonight. Had they not said anything I would not have taken a step back and looked what I said tonight and thought about how I can't just tell everyone everything because I am excited (more importantly you poor saps who read my blog and are obviously already bored would have even less to do). Tact is something I could stand to learn how to use more often. Still, I really don't think I was that out of line (I know I being vague about the details of the conversation I had at Lush, but in an effort to avoid effing up the story in some offensive way while also practicing a bit of my new tool, "tact." I will spare you the specifics).

Evan seemed to think that these two probably judged me based on a few things (my clothes, my flapping mouth which spat out pointless garbage, that goofy grin I was sporting the whole time, and perhaps a number of other things that I can't imagine) and pegged me as maybe a "little fratty." Here is what bothers me. These people get upset at me because of, what I can only imagine was something amounting to them confusing what I was quoting from my previous conversation to show how unique it was to me as my own views on gender and race, which are characteristics identifiable superficially, that also have cultural and social prejudices associated with them. Then, if Evan's suspicions are true, they attributed these views of mine, as they perceived them, to certain superficial characteristics that carry with them certain stereotypes. BAM! I just got judged, maybe.

I really don't know what happened tonight, and I may never know exactly what I did to offend these people. I am alright with them thinking of me as a complete jerk who they would care never to run into again, but I would like to take away from this experience a few lessons about myself. Learning to be tactful with new acquaintances is a big one, but another entirely is that some people are not ready to be thrown into being my friend and excepting me for who I am nor are they prepared to invest the time to find some common ground and build a friendship out of it. Some people just want to have a beer and have me shut the hell up.